Power Up, Stand Up,SpeakTall
Stand up, power up, and SpeakTall. The next time you get wind
of a backstabber, address it. When your boss volunteers your
department for another project, speak up about the challenges
it presents and what you need to meet the challenge. When
someone puts you down, tell the person how you want to be
treated. When someone goes out of their way to help you, let
them know exactly why you appreciate it. Take yourself off
mute and speak!
But don’t just speak, SpeakTall! Speak in a way that elevates
you and everyone who hears you. Speak in a way that talks the
walk you want. Avoid going from silence to violence; don’t go
from meek and weak to rash and brash. Use PowerPhrases—
winning words that work!
I hear it repeatedly. “Oh yeah, I spoke up all right. I openedmy mouth and put my foot right in. Then I thought of the perfect
words—AFTER it was too late.” I also hear people say, “I
wish I had said something, but I didn’t know what to say—so
I didn’t open my mouth.”
These people need PowerPhrases. If you ever find yourself
at a loss for words, you already know why you need Power-
Phrases, too. While talking is natural, talking in a way that will
get you great results in today’s world is not something most of
us have learned. PowerPhrases is an idea whose time has come.
As the amount of information we absorb increases and as our
attention span decreases, it’s more important than ever for you
to express yourself clearly and directly. That’s exactly what PowerPhrases
will help you to do. In hundreds of situations exactly
like the ones you face every day, you’ll learn what words to use
so that your listeners get your point.
Oh, I will give you principles. Principles are important—but
principles alone are not enough. What makes How to Use Power
Phrases different is that it provides you with the actual Power-
Phrases—the exact words to embrace your message in a way that
will be heard. Once you experience your meaning expressed in
PowerPhrases, once you know what PowerPhrases look like,
sound like, and feel like—you’ll discover how to make your
words talk the walk you want. It’s time for you to SPEAK TALL
How do you express yourself? Do you go from silence to
violence? Do you go from being mute to being a brute? Do you
go from holding back to attack? If you do, you’re normal! But
unfortunately, being normal comes with a price. Whether it was
the wrong word at the wrong time, an unintended insult, or a
moment you kept silent and wished you hadn’t, I bet you have
paid a price for your communication style. I bet some of the
stories I’m about to tell you will trigger some not-so-delightful
memories in your mind.
I want to be sure that you understand the price of silence.
We’ll start there. Then we’ll talk about the price of speaking ineffectively.
You are going to find out just why you need Power-
Phrases.
Silence is golden when it’s called for. Silence can be deadly
when it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating. Silence
can cost you your promotion, your marriage, your health, your
happiness—even your life.
There are four situations in which silence isn’t golden:
1. Silence isn’t golden when people need to know your
thoughts and opinions—even if they don’t want to
hear them.
2. Silence isn’t golden when people need to know you
care.
3. Silence isn’t golden when people need to be kept in
the loop.
4. Silence isn’t golden when people are saying or doing
something that affects you negatively.
Silence Isn’t Golden When They Need
to Know the Truth
Where do the words you’re afraid to speak get stuck? Do they
get stuck in your heart without any attempt to voice them? Do
they make it up as far as your throat where you choke on them?
Do they get taken off your tongue by the cat?
Oh, you can hold back words that need to be spoken just
like you can hold back a dog that wants to smell a hiker or a
river in a rainstorm or my niece when there’s a sale on shoes.
You can do it for a while, but it isn’t easy, and you wish you
hadn’t in the end.
Sheila backed off at the first sign of resistance to her words from
her boss. She wished she hadn’t in the end. Her boss was everything
she respected in a manager and in a man—he was successful
and rich. He even told her where he was going when he
left the office. So Sheila had a habit of not questioning him.
When he asked her to transfer funds, she expressed a tiny
protest. She said,
Aren’t you asking me to transfer partnership funds into a
private venture?He responded, “Sheila, are you suggesting I am asking you to
do something illegal? I wouldn’t do that! Now, please do what
I am paying you to do.”
So Sheila’s hand went over her mouth. She put herself on
mute and did what she was instructed. One year later, Sheila
was a codefendant in a lawsuit. Sheila would have given anything
to have spoken tall and used a PowerPhrase such as,
I am not willing to make this transfer until it is clear to
me that this is appropriate.
Janet, a nurse in a clinic also regretted her silence. One of the
doctors was everything Janet did not like in a manager and
in a man. He had arrogance. He had elitism. He even had a
comb-over. When Janet mentioned what she thought was
wrong with one patient, her doctor-boss said, “Janet, I have
a great idea. Why don’t you be the nurse, and I’ll be the
doctor.”
Janet was stunned. Janet’s hand went over her mouth. She
went on mute and decided not to offer any more suggestions.
Two weeks later, a young man came into the office whom Janet
suspected had meningitis. She kept her hand over her mouth
and didn’t say a word. Two days after that, the young man
passed away from undiagnosed meningitis. Being right did not
soothe Janet’s pain. She relived the event many times, imagining
that instead of cowering that she had risen up, spoken tall,
and said,
I understand you prefernot to hear my opinion. I feel
compelled to offer it because I suspect he has meningitis.How about you? Whose hand is over your mouth? Who
keeps you from speaking? What price have you paid for your
silence? Silence is golden when called for. Silence is deadly when
it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating. I’m not.
Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need
to Know You Care
Whether it’s your coworkers, your boss, your spouse, or your
friends, you need to SpeakTall with PowerPhrases and let them
know what you appreciate about what they do. Hal Pitt’s book
The Number One Secrets of Successful Managers says that 85 percent
of employees report that they never hear about it when
they do a great job. Management is overlooking one of the least
expensive and powerful motivators—acknowledgment. Don’t
you overlook acknowledgment as well. Stand up and say,
The reason why I appreciate what you did so much
is . . .
Fill in the statement with the truth in your heart.Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need
to Be Kept in the Loop
Update people on process even if you have no progress to
report. Tell them,
We had ice storms that put the city in gridlock for eight
hours. The shippers were delayed by two days.They are far more likely to be understanding about why an
order hasn’t arrived than if you say nothing because you have
no progress to report. If your boss knows that you have made
three attempts to get that visa approved and are currently waiting
on a return phone call, she will not nag you about not having
results.
Silence Isn’t Golden When Someone’s
Words or Deeds Affect You Negatively
I often hear about employees having long empathic discussions
with each other about a coworker who overdoes the perfume,
while the offender remains in the dark. Someone needs to rise
up and SpeakTall and say,
I am sensitive to perfumes and I get overwhelmed by
yours. It gives me headaches and makes my eyes water.
Would you mind toning it down?
Take yourself off mute and SpeakTall.
The Other Side of Speaking Tall with
PowerPhrases
Taking yourself off mute is only part of what it means to
SpeakTall. If you go from being mute to being a brute, if you
go from silence to violence, if you go from suppression to
aggression, they will get a point, but it might not be the point
you want them to get.
I see people constantly struggle to find that balance in theirlives. During Patrice’s performance review, the supervisor overlooked
much of what Patrice had done. Patrice exploded and
screamed,
This is a joke! This is unfair! You don’t have a clue about
what I do. You’re never here anyway. You probably aren’t
giving me credit for what I do because it’s more than you
can understand.
Did Patrice think that screaming at her boss was going to
enhance her ratings? In retrospect, she wished she had used a
PowerPhrase and said,
Your points are well taken, and they make me aware
that I have not provided you with the necessary information
about my accomplishments. I believe you need
that information to accurately assess my performance.
Can we reschedule this meeting until a later time so I
can provide you with a comprehensive picture of my
accomplishments?
Then there was Robert, who responded to coworker Frank’s
inappropriate, unprintable hostile remarks with his own inappropriate,
unprintable hostile remarks. When they met with
management, Robert didn’t look any better than Frank did,
even though Frank had initiated the hostility.
Everywhere you turn, people are expressing themselves in
ways that alienate those who can help them.
Marvin saw that happen while he waited to catch a plane to
Denver. The earlier flight to Denver was boarding, and the gate
agent paged two passengers. The gate agent repeated the page
twice. When there was no response, she gave the seats to standby passengers. Apparently, the paged customers were in the area,
but so engaged in conversation that they didn’t hear their own
names being called. When they realized they had missed their
flight, they hammered the gate agent. Marvin came to her
defense. “You’re out of line. She paged you three times,” he said.
The agent assured the couple that she would do her best to get
them on the next flight, which she did. Then she paged Marvin,
and told him, “I gave that couple your seats. I hope you
don’t mind first-class.” My guess is that the delayed couple
would have had those first-class seats if they had spoken more
effectively.
Stand up, power up, and SpeakTall. The next time you get wind
of a backstabber, address it. When your boss volunteers your
department for another project, speak up about the challenges
it presents and what you need to meet the challenge. When
someone puts you down, tell the person how you want to be
treated. When someone goes out of their way to help you, let
them know exactly why you appreciate it. Take yourself off
mute and speak!
But don’t just speak, SpeakTall! Speak in a way that elevates
you and everyone who hears you. Speak in a way that talks the
walk you want. Avoid going from silence to violence; don’t go
from meek and weak to rash and brash. Use PowerPhrases—
winning words that work!
I hear it repeatedly. “Oh yeah, I spoke up all right. I openedmy mouth and put my foot right in. Then I thought of the perfect
words—AFTER it was too late.” I also hear people say, “I
wish I had said something, but I didn’t know what to say—so
I didn’t open my mouth.”
These people need PowerPhrases. If you ever find yourself
at a loss for words, you already know why you need Power-
Phrases, too. While talking is natural, talking in a way that will
get you great results in today’s world is not something most of
us have learned. PowerPhrases is an idea whose time has come.
As the amount of information we absorb increases and as our
attention span decreases, it’s more important than ever for you
to express yourself clearly and directly. That’s exactly what PowerPhrases
will help you to do. In hundreds of situations exactly
like the ones you face every day, you’ll learn what words to use
so that your listeners get your point.
Oh, I will give you principles. Principles are important—but
principles alone are not enough. What makes How to Use Power
Phrases different is that it provides you with the actual Power-
Phrases—the exact words to embrace your message in a way that
will be heard. Once you experience your meaning expressed in
PowerPhrases, once you know what PowerPhrases look like,
sound like, and feel like—you’ll discover how to make your
words talk the walk you want. It’s time for you to SPEAK TALL
How do you express yourself? Do you go from silence to
violence? Do you go from being mute to being a brute? Do you
go from holding back to attack? If you do, you’re normal! But
unfortunately, being normal comes with a price. Whether it was
the wrong word at the wrong time, an unintended insult, or a
moment you kept silent and wished you hadn’t, I bet you have
paid a price for your communication style. I bet some of the
stories I’m about to tell you will trigger some not-so-delightful
memories in your mind.
I want to be sure that you understand the price of silence.
We’ll start there. Then we’ll talk about the price of speaking ineffectively.
You are going to find out just why you need Power-
Phrases.
Silence is golden when it’s called for. Silence can be deadly
when it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating. Silence
can cost you your promotion, your marriage, your health, your
happiness—even your life.
There are four situations in which silence isn’t golden:
1. Silence isn’t golden when people need to know your
thoughts and opinions—even if they don’t want to
hear them.
2. Silence isn’t golden when people need to know you
care.
3. Silence isn’t golden when people need to be kept in
the loop.
4. Silence isn’t golden when people are saying or doing
something that affects you negatively.
Silence Isn’t Golden When They Need
to Know the Truth
Where do the words you’re afraid to speak get stuck? Do they
get stuck in your heart without any attempt to voice them? Do
they make it up as far as your throat where you choke on them?
Do they get taken off your tongue by the cat?
Oh, you can hold back words that need to be spoken just
like you can hold back a dog that wants to smell a hiker or a
river in a rainstorm or my niece when there’s a sale on shoes.
You can do it for a while, but it isn’t easy, and you wish you
hadn’t in the end.
Sheila backed off at the first sign of resistance to her words from
her boss. She wished she hadn’t in the end. Her boss was everything
she respected in a manager and in a man—he was successful
and rich. He even told her where he was going when he
left the office. So Sheila had a habit of not questioning him.
When he asked her to transfer funds, she expressed a tiny
protest. She said,
Aren’t you asking me to transfer partnership funds into a
private venture?He responded, “Sheila, are you suggesting I am asking you to
do something illegal? I wouldn’t do that! Now, please do what
I am paying you to do.”
So Sheila’s hand went over her mouth. She put herself on
mute and did what she was instructed. One year later, Sheila
was a codefendant in a lawsuit. Sheila would have given anything
to have spoken tall and used a PowerPhrase such as,
I am not willing to make this transfer until it is clear to
me that this is appropriate.
Janet, a nurse in a clinic also regretted her silence. One of the
doctors was everything Janet did not like in a manager and
in a man. He had arrogance. He had elitism. He even had a
comb-over. When Janet mentioned what she thought was
wrong with one patient, her doctor-boss said, “Janet, I have
a great idea. Why don’t you be the nurse, and I’ll be the
doctor.”
Janet was stunned. Janet’s hand went over her mouth. She
went on mute and decided not to offer any more suggestions.
Two weeks later, a young man came into the office whom Janet
suspected had meningitis. She kept her hand over her mouth
and didn’t say a word. Two days after that, the young man
passed away from undiagnosed meningitis. Being right did not
soothe Janet’s pain. She relived the event many times, imagining
that instead of cowering that she had risen up, spoken tall,
and said,
I understand you prefernot to hear my opinion. I feel
compelled to offer it because I suspect he has meningitis.How about you? Whose hand is over your mouth? Who
keeps you from speaking? What price have you paid for your
silence? Silence is golden when called for. Silence is deadly when
it’s not called for. Don’t think I’m exaggerating. I’m not.
Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need
to Know You Care
Whether it’s your coworkers, your boss, your spouse, or your
friends, you need to SpeakTall with PowerPhrases and let them
know what you appreciate about what they do. Hal Pitt’s book
The Number One Secrets of Successful Managers says that 85 percent
of employees report that they never hear about it when
they do a great job. Management is overlooking one of the least
expensive and powerful motivators—acknowledgment. Don’t
you overlook acknowledgment as well. Stand up and say,
The reason why I appreciate what you did so much
is . . .
Fill in the statement with the truth in your heart.Silence Isn’t Golden When People Need
to Be Kept in the Loop
Update people on process even if you have no progress to
report. Tell them,
We had ice storms that put the city in gridlock for eight
hours. The shippers were delayed by two days.They are far more likely to be understanding about why an
order hasn’t arrived than if you say nothing because you have
no progress to report. If your boss knows that you have made
three attempts to get that visa approved and are currently waiting
on a return phone call, she will not nag you about not having
results.
Silence Isn’t Golden When Someone’s
Words or Deeds Affect You Negatively
I often hear about employees having long empathic discussions
with each other about a coworker who overdoes the perfume,
while the offender remains in the dark. Someone needs to rise
up and SpeakTall and say,
I am sensitive to perfumes and I get overwhelmed by
yours. It gives me headaches and makes my eyes water.
Would you mind toning it down?
Take yourself off mute and SpeakTall.
The Other Side of Speaking Tall with
PowerPhrases
Taking yourself off mute is only part of what it means to
SpeakTall. If you go from being mute to being a brute, if you
go from silence to violence, if you go from suppression to
aggression, they will get a point, but it might not be the point
you want them to get.
I see people constantly struggle to find that balance in theirlives. During Patrice’s performance review, the supervisor overlooked
much of what Patrice had done. Patrice exploded and
screamed,
This is a joke! This is unfair! You don’t have a clue about
what I do. You’re never here anyway. You probably aren’t
giving me credit for what I do because it’s more than you
can understand.
Did Patrice think that screaming at her boss was going to
enhance her ratings? In retrospect, she wished she had used a
PowerPhrase and said,
Your points are well taken, and they make me aware
that I have not provided you with the necessary information
about my accomplishments. I believe you need
that information to accurately assess my performance.
Can we reschedule this meeting until a later time so I
can provide you with a comprehensive picture of my
accomplishments?
Then there was Robert, who responded to coworker Frank’s
inappropriate, unprintable hostile remarks with his own inappropriate,
unprintable hostile remarks. When they met with
management, Robert didn’t look any better than Frank did,
even though Frank had initiated the hostility.
Everywhere you turn, people are expressing themselves in
ways that alienate those who can help them.
Marvin saw that happen while he waited to catch a plane to
Denver. The earlier flight to Denver was boarding, and the gate
agent paged two passengers. The gate agent repeated the page
twice. When there was no response, she gave the seats to standby passengers. Apparently, the paged customers were in the area,
but so engaged in conversation that they didn’t hear their own
names being called. When they realized they had missed their
flight, they hammered the gate agent. Marvin came to her
defense. “You’re out of line. She paged you three times,” he said.
The agent assured the couple that she would do her best to get
them on the next flight, which she did. Then she paged Marvin,
and told him, “I gave that couple your seats. I hope you
don’t mind first-class.” My guess is that the delayed couple
would have had those first-class seats if they had spoken more
effectively.
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