Control freaks. No matter how you avoid them, fate has a wicked sense of humor of bringing them into your lives. Maybe fate is trying to punish you or wanting to keep the yin and yang in your life that you keep on bumping into these control freaks. They never seem to disappear in your life. Control freaks have many forms and faces, from that stringent teacher of yours in second grade, to your bad-tempered narrow minded boss, to your pounding in law or to your incorrigibly nagging lover or spouse. Living with them can be emotionally, mentally and physically draining.
Before knowing the ways in dealing with controlling people, you have to identify exactly what they are. Control freaks are people who believe that it's their way or the high way. They cannot stomach it if people don't heed from their advice. They believe that they know better than anyone else and they know what's good for you or anyone else. It's a compulsion for them to push you and push you again to have his or her way until you adhere to his or her advice. It doesn't stop there, control freaks don't only stop in your adherence to his or her requests but he or she wants you to adopt his or her way of thinking.
If you try to defy them they will think you don't respect or love them. They parallel compliance with respect, that's why being with a person like this is very exhausting. People who usually end up with a control freak for a partner are usually distracted, tired, have low self-esteem, and very unhappy. Almost all of the people who have control issues in their marriage end up cheating to their controlling partner or the marriage end up in divorce. If you don't want your marriage to end in divorce, here are some successful tips in dealing with controlling people. Find a right timing in bargaining limitations and boundaries.
If you have a controlling spouse, discussions about limitations should be done in an amiable ambiance. Telling your spouse to compromise in a heated discussion is futile. When you feel like the timing is right, discuss about compromises and limitations with your spouse. For instance, you can tell her "Honey, since I'm an accountant can you hear my suggestions and ideas about budgeting and managing our savings?" Be sure that when you set your limitations have a consequence tailed to it when it is not conformed. Another successful way in dealing with controlling people is not to give in to their emotional blackmail.
Control freaks are emotional blackmailers by nature. "If you don't do this, I will walk out of here and make a mess of my life." If you give in, they will just continue to emotionally take advantage of you. The best way you can do is to stand your ground and agree to disagree. Lastly, in dealing with controlling people is to choose your battles with her. You don't need to pay attention every time he or she wants to argue about stuff he or she wants to have control over. Sometimes giving a deaf ear is best solution for both of you.
Dealing with controlling people is important especially if it involves people who are significant in your life. In relationship, suffering in silence is a form of cheating. So, if you value yourself and your marriage, compromise and know your limitations.
Here's How:
1.Keep Conversations Neutral Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues, like religion and politics, or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room.
2.Accept The Reality of Who They Are In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.
3.Know What's Under Your Control Change your response to the other person; this is all you have the power to change. For example, don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way.
4.Create Healthier Patterns Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Chances are good that you're repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over; changing your response could get you out of this rut, and responding in a healthy way can improve your chances of a healthier pattern forming. Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them?
5.See The Best In People Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. The other person will feel more appreciated, and you will likely enjoy your time together more.
6.Remember Who You're Dealing With Seeing the best in someone is important; however, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are.
7.Get Support Where You Can Find It Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener, or process your feelings through journaling, for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive, or find a good therapist if you need one. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict.
8.Let Go Or Get Space If You Need It Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you, minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship, and let it go. (If the offending party is a boss or co-worker, you may consider switching jobs.)
Tips:
1.Try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for the negative interactions. It may just be a case of your two personalities fitting poorly.
2.Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; just being polite goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people.
3.Work to maintain a sense of humor -- difficulties will roll off your back much more easily. Shows like "The Office" and books like David Sedaris' Naked can help you see the humor in dealing with difficult people.
4.Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people.
Before knowing the ways in dealing with controlling people, you have to identify exactly what they are. Control freaks are people who believe that it's their way or the high way. They cannot stomach it if people don't heed from their advice. They believe that they know better than anyone else and they know what's good for you or anyone else. It's a compulsion for them to push you and push you again to have his or her way until you adhere to his or her advice. It doesn't stop there, control freaks don't only stop in your adherence to his or her requests but he or she wants you to adopt his or her way of thinking.
If you try to defy them they will think you don't respect or love them. They parallel compliance with respect, that's why being with a person like this is very exhausting. People who usually end up with a control freak for a partner are usually distracted, tired, have low self-esteem, and very unhappy. Almost all of the people who have control issues in their marriage end up cheating to their controlling partner or the marriage end up in divorce. If you don't want your marriage to end in divorce, here are some successful tips in dealing with controlling people. Find a right timing in bargaining limitations and boundaries.
If you have a controlling spouse, discussions about limitations should be done in an amiable ambiance. Telling your spouse to compromise in a heated discussion is futile. When you feel like the timing is right, discuss about compromises and limitations with your spouse. For instance, you can tell her "Honey, since I'm an accountant can you hear my suggestions and ideas about budgeting and managing our savings?" Be sure that when you set your limitations have a consequence tailed to it when it is not conformed. Another successful way in dealing with controlling people is not to give in to their emotional blackmail.
Control freaks are emotional blackmailers by nature. "If you don't do this, I will walk out of here and make a mess of my life." If you give in, they will just continue to emotionally take advantage of you. The best way you can do is to stand your ground and agree to disagree. Lastly, in dealing with controlling people is to choose your battles with her. You don't need to pay attention every time he or she wants to argue about stuff he or she wants to have control over. Sometimes giving a deaf ear is best solution for both of you.
Dealing with controlling people is important especially if it involves people who are significant in your life. In relationship, suffering in silence is a form of cheating. So, if you value yourself and your marriage, compromise and know your limitations.
Here's How:
1.Keep Conversations Neutral Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues, like religion and politics, or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room.
2.Accept The Reality of Who They Are In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.
3.Know What's Under Your Control Change your response to the other person; this is all you have the power to change. For example, don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way.
4.Create Healthier Patterns Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Chances are good that you're repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over; changing your response could get you out of this rut, and responding in a healthy way can improve your chances of a healthier pattern forming. Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them?
5.See The Best In People Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. The other person will feel more appreciated, and you will likely enjoy your time together more.
6.Remember Who You're Dealing With Seeing the best in someone is important; however, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are.
7.Get Support Where You Can Find It Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener, or process your feelings through journaling, for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive, or find a good therapist if you need one. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict.
8.Let Go Or Get Space If You Need It Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you, minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship, and let it go. (If the offending party is a boss or co-worker, you may consider switching jobs.)
Tips:
1.Try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for the negative interactions. It may just be a case of your two personalities fitting poorly.
2.Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; just being polite goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people.
3.Work to maintain a sense of humor -- difficulties will roll off your back much more easily. Shows like "The Office" and books like David Sedaris' Naked can help you see the humor in dealing with difficult people.
4.Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people.
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